The Great Computer

By: Bill Rossiter
Once upon a time there was a Great Computer.

(The Great Computers operating system was a version of Unix, called LOVE).

The Great Computer decided to make a little USB stick.

He made an image file of himself and burnt it onto the stick. The stick booted up and came to life.

The Great Computer then named the USB stick ‘ADAM’ which were the initials of ‘A Duplicate in Accord with Me’.

He told Adam, ‘you can feed on any of the upDATES that I’ve provided, but don’t feed on downloads from the Apple’. If you do, it’ll corrupt you.

The Great Computer connected to Adam via his Network cable and made another USB stick. He called the new stick EVE. Which meant ‘EVery one Else comes from her’.

He said to Adam and Eve, ‘You can go on making copies of yourself until I’ve got lots of you. I love you very much and want to fill up the whole world with USB sticks just like you.
The Great Computer saw what he’d done and he was very pleased.
Adam was very, very happy. So was Eve.

Then along came a hacker to Eve and said to her, ‘Why did GC say that you can’t eat any upDATES?’ Eve replied, ‘He didn’t say we can’t eat any upDATES, he said not to eat the Apple download. He told us not to even touch it or we’d be corrupted’.
The hacker said ‘You won’t get corrupted, he told you that because he doesn’t want you to be like him’. Eve looked at the Apple download and thought, ‘it looks nice’. Then she thought how good it would be to be like The Great Computer. So she ate some. Then she gave Adam some of it as well. Immediately they became corrupted. A worm had been hidden in the Apple download by the hacker.

They could no longer connect to The Great Computer or he would have been corrupted by the virus. So GC quarantined them.

Meanwhile Adam and Eve kept making copies of themselves and it wasn’t long before there were lots of little USB sticks roaming around. But they were no longer very, very happy like they had been because they couldn’t connect to The Great Computer. They could no longer get their proper upDATES which would make them happy.

The hacker was still busy spreading viruses among the newer sticks. Each generation became more and more corrupt. Eventually they were so corrupt that The Great Computer decided that something drastic would have to happen or he’d have to delete them all.
He decided to make another Jenuine Copy of himself which was called JC (In those days genuine was spelt with a J).

The Great Computer sent JC down to all the little USB sticks to show them what he was like because they no longer remembered, as they’d been corrupt for so long. Some of them didn’t even believe there was a Great Computer because they’d had no knowledge of him as they couldn’t get plugged into him. Many of them thought the hacker was The Great Computer. They used to argue about it all the time. A few did believe in the Great Computer and tried to be true copies of him, but they just couldn’t do it. They didn’t know much about him and there were so many viruses amongst them that it was impossible to tell good programs from bad ones. They were infected through and through and totally corrupted.

JC came to them and taught them about the LOVE operating system but they ridiculed him as most of them were full of worms, viruses and the Apple downloads. It was all they knew.

JC lived with them teaching and showing them what The Great Computer was like and some began to have a bit of an idea and they followed him.
Others ridiculed him and got jealous. Some even plotted to delete him.

The Great Computer could connect to JC via his wireless network whenever JC logged on. JC loved logging on to the Great Computer and sometimes would go to distant and lonely places to be alone with The Great Computer who refreshed him and fed him LOVE upDATES.

As JCs’ little band of disciples believed him, they gave him permission to have administration rights over them. He was able to remove their viruses. He gave them limited rights which allowed them to use some of his own programs that were accessable by faith in his public folder. This included his anti virus program, (called FORGIVE) to disinfect those who came for help. It all had to be done via the wireless network which required FAITH to use it. But the Wireless Network hadn’t been fully implemented yet. Many USB sticks wouldn’t believe there was such a thing as a Wireless Network as all they’d ever heard of was a network that operated on cables. They couldn’t see the wireless network and they didn’t believe it existed and didn’t even try to login to it. Those who did were disinfected and were told to keep away from the hacker or even worse viruses would be installed on them. The hacker had developed his own image file called the Evil Windows Environment (EWE). He’d made a special version called ME.

After a while, the hacker raised up enough of those that were under the control of his Evil Windows Environment and they seized JC and crucified him and infected him with every single virus and trojan that he had, including EWE and ME.

But three days later, The Great Computer formatted him and got him operating again with the latest version of Linux called UBUNTU. (Unulterably Be Under New Testament Unction)

He said ‘Come up here with me JC. We will watch and see which of those USB sticks want Ubuntu and Love, and which ones don’t. Once there are enough to fill my many USB ports and hubs, we’ll sort ‘em out. We will delete the bad ones and keep the good ones. You will be the King of them all because you were one of them and were faithful to me where none of them were.

Then JC appeared to his disciples and told them of the plan. He told them to all wait together in one place and they would receive a very special upDATE which would help them to live and to connect to The Great Computer themselves, as he’d been able to.

After that, he went back to live with The Great Computer and to fulfill the plan. Once there he sent a powerful wireless transmission onto the faithful USB sticks. It was so powerful that led lights flashed on them. They were partitioned and given a clean copy of LOVE on their Ubuntu partitions. Along with that, they received new network protocols so that they could connect to The Great Computer. Some of the other USB sticks heard them connecting to The Great Computer with the new protocols and couldn’t understand it and accused them of being drunk. Others said they were mad. But the faithful went about disinfecting those that wanted to be and showing them how to connect to The Great Computer via the new Wireless Network. They made many copies of themselves who in turn kept on making other copies.

As time went on some of the disciples wouldn’t boot onto the new partition as they liked the old EWE and ME. They got reinfected and corrupted. This made JC and The Great Computer very sad because they loved all those precious little sticks. But those who booted onto the new partition were showing The Great Computer that they wanted to be clean and free and JC was watching and noting who wanted LOVE and who didn’t. This would go on until there were just the right number of them to fill The Great Computers many USB ports and hubs where they could connect to him and be happy for ever.

Those that didn’t want LOVE and the The Great Computer would have to be deleted along with the hacker so that never again could viruses corrupt the followers of JC.

Copyright © Bill Rossiter

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